LOVE OR ARRANGED : BE WISE WHILE YOU DECIDE

Love or Arranged: Be wise while you decide!!
By Sakshi Chaudhary

Living this hostel life makes me so pleasurable. Here, we have freedom, late nite parties together, lots of fun, celebrations, games. I would like to share one episode of ours which made me write on this. Last night, we the girls were playing that very common - the traditional youngster game which you call "Truth or Dare" . Now, we improvised it as "Truth , Dare or Stare" . Silly us! So, I catechized one of my friends on her turn, what would be her decision if she had to choose between her love and her parents; to which after thinking a lot she responded in favour of her parents. I passed on the same situation to every girl and to my surprise , each one of them would go with their parents as per their replies.

This made me a think a lot ( i usually think a lot) . I asked myself "Am I too self-centred?" to which my mind and my heart both were together this time replying a "No." I am a girl of my own ideas , and a big follower of Sir Paulo Coelho who says "Don't let others say that this road is better or that route is easier. The greatest gift god gave us is to make our own decisions." And I am proud about what i feel about the society norms and have a stong will to change them.

I remember I read somewhere that 74% of indians still prefer arranged marriages according to a survey. This reflects that Indians are still conventional in thinking of marriage as a set-up in which a person should fit into the family. Your parents, grandparents, uncle and aunts and rest hundreds of relatives should like you partner regardless of your own feelings. So, it means that your partner needs to be a perfect match for your family. Then, what about the one who sticks to you and sticks by you and treats you as an equal and not as a relative in the house. When these illustrious society people ask this question to you "Do you want an arranged marriage or a love marriage?" You know what the actual translation of this question is? Its - "Do you even have the common sense to know the right match for you or would rather choose your Mr./ Ms. Perfect and make a blunder of you life in the name of love." First I wish they get some brains and then would like to ask them "How many couples they know about who had arranged marriages which were completely acceptable and they are comfortable with each other, enough to spend their lives together, happily?" I highly doubt they'ld able to answer me here.

Arranged marriages are all about weighing the pros and cons of getting into an argument or tussle with an individual to whom you are not sure of revealing your innermost thoughts and feelings. To enter a matrimonial alliance, the two individuals need to be great friends first. While I was having a debate over the same issue with my friends, they strongly said "The society is changing , Sakshi! Now, even in arranged marriages the girl and the guy have long talks and get to know each other so well. I explained them "Girls! You need to get aware of this fake world around yourselves. People can fake upto a limit you can ever imagine. You can't just make out having few ralks before 3-4 months of your marriage. It takes years to get to know a person well. The real picture comes before your eyes when you are made to live with it. There are several couples who live in the same house like strangers without communicating at all or couples whi have been living in different cities and have no relationship between them. The only reason why these people do not become a representative sample of population during a survey of divorce, is that, legally, they are not divorced for the sake of society; but pyschologically they are. Arranged marriages are no more than social contracts in our country where the bride's family offer payments alongwith their daughter.

Marriage must be arranged by two individuals, where they mutually come to a decision regarding the order of their life together, based on love, affection, respect and commitment. While I harbour respect to both kinds of marriages, I choose to take the path where I maintain my individuality.